Here we have a guest blog from one of our grooms who would like to offer a male perspective on planning a wedding.
First things first. Whether or not it’s “her day,” at some point you are going to be wearing the outfit, eating the food, paying the bills and making a speech in front of 100 people. Oh yes, you are also committing to something spiritually and legally binding that will last the rest of your life. You wouldn’t normally let that sort of thing happen without being part of it. So, put your man suit on and get involved!
Some things just are
Much of this will be confusing, daunting even, and you certainly won’t be able to keep up. So, here are a few important rules:
- You are team member not team leader. This means accepting tasks and meeting deadlines.
- In case of disagreements, you normally lose. So, pick things that you want to challenge carefully.
- Everything is expensive. Unnecessarily so. You just have to take a look at this quick comedy sketch about flowers and “wedding flowers“.
- Unless you know your bride-to-be is thinking along the same lines suggesting that you could make something for the day better in the shed is a no-no.
Don’t just nod and say yes
You get annoyed when she doesn’t immediately drop everything to listen to your fascinating interpretation of Match of the Day. Weddings are the same thing in reverse. Fobbing someone off with fake interest is almost worse than just not being involved. Try some active listening and being (mentally) present when talking about wedding stuff, and if you don’t care which of the six shades of white look best, say so. That said, I recommend tying something like; “they all look great and I trust your judgement” rather than “I don’t care”.
Making sure you feel a part of the planning is an important part of enjoying the overall experience. So, if there is something that you feel particularly strongly about take ownership. You may find that you actually enjoy it.
Closing in on the big day
The closer you get to the big day, the more that stress levels increase. Small problems quickly become big ones, so applying the principles above becomes important. You will suffer at least one serious bridal meltdown over something that you deem pointless. Unless you want to be single again, take it at least a little bit seriously.
Unless you know that you are a great public speaker (i.e. you have been told by a number of people; not just that you assume you are based on talking to yourself in the shower) then I would consider getting a speech written and prepared properly beforehand. It is a lot less stressful than flapping about for kind words at the last moment when you have a whole load of other things on your mind.
Having someone to help at this stage is a huge stress saver. Whether it is a wedding planner or simply a member of the bridal party, make sure that both you and your partner delegate jobs for the day. This can be difficult to do if one or both of you is a control freak, but it pays off in the end with a more relaxed, enjoyable experience on the day.
Your wedding day
It goes by very fast. Everyone says this once they are married, but be careful not to miss the key things. Depending on how nervous you are that could be a challenge, but try and actually focus on being there (especially for the ceremony and your speech).
Finally, the best advice I got was to find time for at least a few minutes with your new partner to stop and just watch the party. It really helps make the day.
Most of all, remember to relax, smile and enjoy!